


bigger than love

by purplemeadows



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, errrr pining?, mentions of internalised homophobia!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:55:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25284985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplemeadows/pseuds/purplemeadows
Summary: so he'd stand up, walk over to hyunjae's room and hold his knuckles up to the door. but he'd freeze, he'd never knock.orin which eric ponders upon his feelings towards hyunjae, consumed by fears that mean to hold him down.
Relationships: Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae/Son Youngjae | Eric
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	bigger than love

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! i'm back again ~~ this time with a lil angsty hyunric one i wrote a couple of months ago!! i'm planning fo get back into writing more often once more so i'm posting this as a small motivation for myself so pls feel free to leave some (preferably nice) comments :,)

hyunjae walks out of the bathroom, hair soaked, water droplets littering his body. the sunlight from the windows washed over the room, and it made him sparkle almost. such a sight of course invited eric's curious eyes, who looked up from his phone screen.

eric has seen hyunjae shirtless plenty of times, it's nothing new. but somehow, seeing him right now in front of him, drying his hair while droplets of water trinkled down his bare back, eric flushed. he shudders at the sight and hopes that the sound of his gulp was drowned out by the birds singing ever so innocently and obliviously outside.

after putting on a plain white t-shirt, hyunjae flopped onto his bed right next to eric's. eric's still looking, but hyunjae doesn't notice. and if he does, he isn't bothered. hyunjae's exhausted from the drilling practice they had the day before causing him to drift into sleep the minute his head hit the pillow. he's trying to stay awake, though, so he picks up his phone.

eric quickly tilted his head back to the screen of his own phone as hyunjae laid on the bed right next to eric's. they're closer now and eric can smell his pomegranate body wash, its scent turning the whole room sweet. he looks over, and notices the way hyunjae's blinking ever so slowly, and how the grip on his phone was beginning to loosen. he watched as he drifted into a cozy nap, with his phone laying on his stomach and one hand behind his head; he looked peaceful like that. eric knew hyunjae was having trouble sleeping so he really didn't have the heart to wake him at all.

eric finds himself unable to look away; he studies the boy, paying attention to his long and curled eyelashes, sharp and pointed nose, quaint and small lips. there's something inviting about it that eric can't quite grasp - it makes him want to move closer, closer and closer, until his lips are right above hyunjae's. 

until hyunjae's kissing him back, his hands in eric's hair and eric's on hyunjae's neck.

he's lucky there's no one else in the room to see him, because he's certain he's gone bright red. he feels goosebumps form on his arms and he's almost embarrassed, because this isn't the first time he's thinking of hyunjae like this.

hyunjae is fit, and he has the body sculpted by the gods themselves. so maybe it's justified that sometimes eric'd want hyunjae to just take his shirt off and carelessly throw it to the side while they're at home or at the gym together. he just looks better with his shirt off, anyway. but sometimes, eric'd stay up, hoping that hyunjae would stop by his room and lay in his bed with him for a while as they talk about their concerns and worries. they used to do that more often in the past, but not so much anymore. eric figures that since they're always so busy, hyunjae must be tired.

and sometimes it hits him like an arrow to his chest when he realises that more than anything, maybe he wants hyunjae close to him, to just hold him in his arms through the night. they don't have to talk or laugh or even look at each other - they can just stay there, in complete silence, immersed in each other. eric'd draw circles in hyunjae's palm and kiss it occasionally. and hyunjae would kiss the back of his head, and he'd feel safe.

it frustrates him, being unable to just do it. sometimes at night he'd crave it so bad that it made his heart ache, so he'd stand up, walk over to hyunjae's room and hold his knuckles up to the door. but he'd freeze, he'd never knock. it was as though there were invisible strings around his chest that pulled him back and left him breathless. it was suffocating, but he couldn't do anything about it.

and he knows that if he asked, hyunjae would let him in. and that if he kissed hyunjae, he'd kiss him back. and that if he said i love you, he'd say i love you back. but he also knows that both of them are too afraid to be the first one, held back by fears bigger than themselves. so they don't do anything, they don't say anything. it's just hyunjae and eric, and they're best friends, always on the edge of something dangerous.

eric feels as though his heart is being clawed out as he looks over at the sleeping boy. he feels desperate, hopeless and broken because this is all they'll ever be. stuck. they're stuck and neither of them knows how to get out. and every day he doesn't know how he'll go another day without losing his breath every time he looks at hyunjae.

he turns back to his phone, scrolling mindlessly through his instagram feed. it feels endless, but he's hoping that if he scrolls long enough, he'll find something that'll make him smile. but it never comes, and even though the screen is right in front of him, he doesn't see it. he sees a boy, who resembles an angel, laughing. he's gorgeous and skin looks soft, and eric wants to touch him. but he isn't able to move, and the boy moves farther and farther away from him. he doesn't want to let him go, he wants to scream so he tries, but he realises he shouldn't wake hyunjae sleeping on the bed next to him.

hyunjae, the angel, the boy.


End file.
